WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER 
(the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde and a Republican, but I'm certain

Anheuser-Busch, the brewer of Budweiser received the first subpoena probing their connection with Sharpton's group. The beer company is one of the National Action Network's, biggest contributors according to the New York Post.

The company acknowledged the Federal subpoena in a statement, "We have received a subpoena and are cooperating with the IRS". In 2007 the company gave between $100,000 and $499,000 to NAN in 2007 alone, according to its Web site

Sharpton attacked the subpoena calling it a "fishing expedition" and said his donors are proud of their support.

Sharpton personally and his groups owe millions in back taxes. The IRS has been following Sharpton's finances going back to his run for president in 2004.

As of 2006, the most recent year that financial documents for the group are publicly available, it owed $1.9 million in payroll taxes and penalties.

Ten NAN staffers were slapped with subpoenas this past December, and the Anheuser-Busch subpoena is part of the same probe.

Personally, Sharpton owes $931,397 in federal taxes and $365,558 in New York City taxes, according to an IRS lien.

It is with great Sadness that The Christianaires announce that Paul Porter is leaving the group to pursue a Solo Career. Paul is one of the founding members of The Christianaires and has been a key component and featured Artist for almost thirty years.

During that time they have become one of the top Quartet groups in the world. In 2007 the group was inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame and is widely known for their electrifying and anointed performances.

The sadness in this occasion comes with the knowledge that Paul has been an intricate part of the Group’s difficult struggle to prominence in the Gospel Music Industry. While it is always difficult and painful to part with those that have helped fight the odds and defied the nay Sayers, it is also gratifying, when you see that person spread their wings and soar to new heights.

The Christianaires wish Paul the very best. Our thoughts and prayers will always be with him as he moves on to face new challenges. We feel honored and blessed to have had the opportunity to share many things with Paul. His love and friendship will always be treasured.

This occurrence also affords The Christianaires an opportunity to grow. Tyrone Porter, Ronald Brown, Charles Porter and Christopher Dean are as committed as ever to continuing the music ministry in the same tradition that has personified The Christianaires over the last twenty five years. They will continue to tour and expect to begin recording their next project in the near future.

Charles Porter will take the helm as their featured/primary lead singer. The Christianaires are also actively seeking an additional lead singer. Interested parties, please contact Nu Horizon Booking & Management (fax and email only).

To their many fans and supporters, they say Thank You and God Bless. They solicit your prayers, patience and continued support.